Deanna Abandons the Classics House; Early Demise for All

-Samantha Stein could not peel her orange at dinner. Deanna was not here to do it. Samantha died of scurvy the next day.
-Kevin called one too many people “cunt slut bags” and was pummeled to death by an angry mob. Deanna was not here to stop the violence.
-Tom (redacted). Deanna was not here to discourage (redacted).
-Brunella and Meg lobby sat from 5:45 on. Deanna was not there to tell them to go to dinner. Brunella and Meg died of starvation at 3:42 this afternoon.
-Deanna was not here to encourage Eleni to order Pita Pit. She ate in the dining hall and died.
-Celia received a fatal paper cut while studying Latin. Deanna was not here to provide Band-Aids.
-Jackie had a relativity peaceful evening because Deanna did not hide in her closet. The stress of solitude was too great a strain on Jackie’s heart.

On a related note, Darren Ashby is thriving.